Disclaimer: First I’d like to state the obvious, that not all threesomes are inherently exploitative or uncomfortable. And not all couples seeking thirds are inherently exploitative or bad, for lack of a better word. I can only speak from my own perspective, using the experiences I’ve gained. But I know I can’t be the only one who sees unicorn hunters as potentially and often problematic for a number of reasons.
Unicorn hunters are usually hetero couples seeking bisexual or queer women to join them. Unicorn hunters can be seen on many dating apps, from Tinder to Bumble and even to dating apps specifically intended for queer women like Her.
Recently, I was approached by a woman online who had a boyfriend and insinuated that I should have a threesome with them, despite my telling her many times that I’m a lesbian. A lot of the lesbian and bisexual women I know have similar stories.
I think for lesbians it can feel and be even more uncomfortable and fetishizing. Trying to convince lesbians they should have sex with men, even with women, is homophobic, but apart from that, it insinuates that lesbians can be “turned” straight. Just because a woman is present doesn’t mean a lesbian would necessarily want to have sex with a man. Implying that is implying that lesbians are willing to do anything to have sex with women. It implies we are sex crazed, desperate or simply “going through a phase.”
If that’s not the insinuation, it’s that lesbian and queer women should work as some sort of fulfillment of others’ fantasies. That we should be willing to do so. Knowingly putting any lesbian in such a situation is potentially harmful, triggering or unsafe. Lesbians shouldn’t have to endure fetishization and violence for the sake of anyone’s sexual desires -- no one should.
Especially on apps intended for queer women, unicorn hunters take up space and make others uncomfortable. This is just another example of heterosexuality centering itself and invading safe spaces. Like gaggles of heterosexual women who go to gay clubs for bachelorette parties, unicorn hunters use their privilege to exploit queerness as long as it serves their desired purposes and then discard of it. For these such people it seems queerness is only visible in the dark, where it can be denied and erased. How often are these bachelorettes and heterosexual couples taking up and mobilizing for the liberation efforts of the queer community?
The problem of unicorn hunters is that they make safe spaces unsafe. The problem of unicorn hunters is that they see queerness as a sampler plate and not a full course meal. The problem of unicorn hunters is that they target queer women for their fantasies but see no use for us beyond that. The problem of unicorn hunters is that they fail to see the politics of their desires or actions. The problem of unicorn hunters is sometimes they don’t even communicate that it’s unicorn they’re hunting, but use kitty as a booby trap. The problem of unicorn hunters is that they misunderstand lesbians and queerness.
The problem of unicorn hunters is they rely on the assumption that somebody wants to sleep with the boyfriend.
The problem of unicorn hunters is that they are hunting unicorns where only people seem to stand.
Jam Bridgett is a queer artist, writer and student living in Toronto. Their work focuses on gender, love and revolution. They are currently writing a very queer, very messy YA novel. Jam’s work can be found in publications like Tongue Tied Magazine, UC Gargoyle @ the University of Toronto and the Black Cabinet Magazine @ York University. Find them on Instagram @artbyjam_ or Twitter @yikesjamaica