originally published on November 12 2018
Girls don’t like spiders, The way they scuttle up your arms with fearless abandon, The way their eyes glint, searching out the best part of their pink flesh to bite – That’s what people say. I believe them. I did. But then, they’re not right about everything – Girls don’t like girls, Their fierce smiles, the way they pull you in, And then linger in your vision all day, lighting up the darkest of days, The way they laugh, clear and true, and in that moment it’s as if they invented music, the best song in the world – I don’t like spiders, you said, confidently As we saw one crawl onto the big screen in front of us I nodded. I agree – But could you like me? Would that be okay? I didn’t say it, the words dying in my throat Before they even had a chance. I think the spiders ate them. No – They’re flowers. Girls like them, don’t they? Spiders don’t. That’s important – But instead of being bright, and pretty They bloomed into something different, discreet. But there, poking up through the cracks of my lips, determined – I think a spider’s on me! I whispered, And you just looked at me, our young eyes a hesitant mirror – As you nodded. Let me help – It’s in my hand, look – I said, showing you the lines in my pink palm, Each of them a spindly leg, staying exactly still I didn’t even have to ask, your hand was already cupped, gently, but I did anyway. I had to make sure you’re okay with this. After all – People say girls aren’t supposed to like spiders… I hadn’t asked Mum’s though, too scared for her to turn my words back on me, Her hatred for girls who do shining through, even though… I know. She tells me she loves me for a reason. Still… This is about me and you. Can you help me catch it? I asked But you’d already met my trembling hand with yours, giving in, giving me reassurance, acknowledgement – Something more. Who knows? All I cared about now, in the dark Of that room, was you. Your warm hand in mine – How it fit mine exactly, The happiness stemming from that touch, The safety of it. The joy. I’m so glad we caught the spider – Yes, me too – I don’t mind them too much, actually I quite like them. Yes, me too. The spider sat there as we did there, together – But it was okay. While our mutual admission, our defiance, hung in the air like electricity. Our secret was safe – Or maybe it was you, sitting next to me, Holding my hand – Either way, I liked it. And so did you. So who cares if people say we aren’t supposed to?