Lyme
My inbox reminds me weekly, There is a support group meeting on Saturday. My body lurches, I am arched into angles on purpose, I am crying under tables on purpose, I can't stand up. It isn't funny anymore, and I'm not laughing. I am gagging and choking. I am drowning. I used to be wild in my grief, now I'm stagnant. Like Dr.B tells me my blood is. Is that what's making me so cold? I'm picturing my own heart, grey and blue and fat, still in my palms. I would kiss it until my lips smothered her. I would nurture my tired organs. I would scrape the wax off my nerve endings and watch it cover my feet. I don't care about the mess. Tell my body, "I love you. I love you so much. I know you're fighting so hard." She spits up blood to answer back, But all I can do is stare.
Down2
I want to bathe in your forgiveness, I would slide far down against that linoleum. I don’t care if it sticks to my skin, Because to me it feels like the fingers Attached to hands I can’t see, They’ve been waiting to rake their nails, Who am I to deny her? I heard your voice saying “We are not friends.” And if my skin tears, I’ll let it, I told you, It makes no difference to me. Did I ever share coffee with you? I take mine scalding, So sweet it could turn your stomach, You said I was the hottest woman you’d ever seen So, I fucked you like bestowing a gift and acted Like I had had sex before what you taught me. Now, my throat isn’t sore from yelling, I, Have been swallowing, It’s amazing what all goes down.
Villain
We are living our dreams. I don't even know anymore How many nights I've spent stoned on this couch, You are completely stifling. I split water onto a cushion and it still hasn't dried, I'm trying to drink from it but I am still thirsty. Really, I'm parched. Little remnants. I have this one thing to remember you by.